For a long time it was unacceptable to admit to having doubts if you were a follower of Christ. I believe it is still unacceptable in certain circles to admit as much.

In Bible college I was taught what to think, not how to think. And if I questioned anything I was summarily shut down. For years I accepted everything taught to me from the classroom and the pulpit without question. In my late 30’s I woke up. It began to trouble me that some could be 100 percent certain about everything. They knew exactly how God created the heavens and the earth, how Christ would return, and they held just one opinion about women’s roles. It didn’t seem to matter that a whole host of others believed differently, had good research to back up their claims and also said they were Christ followers.

I guess the fact that there were differing opinions should have made me more confident, but it is unsettling to step outside the circles one has grown up in. I began to struggle with a handful of things inside my faith. Thankfully as I added a few more numbers to my age, the biggest deterrent to my doubts and questions largely disappeared: fear.

I’m grateful for some good thinkers in the Christian faith who have helped me process and think through my questions. People like Carolyn Custis James, Scot McKnight, my husband, Mike Murphy, and people like Michael Hidalgo, who has written on this topic. I highly recommend Michael’s book, Changing Faith. I’m in a solid and hopeful place with my faith walk today because of these good thinkers and I’m deeply grateful to God for those who will admit their doubts.

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